He subsequently destroys his possessions, furious that they didn’t get him the love, support, and sex he felt he had earned. John buys fancy things, invites in the pizza delivery woman, tries to get her drunk, she gets uncomfortable and flees. And he goes on to repeat this cycle multiple times in different variations over the three months before the reunion, each time with similar results. John is a dick and an arse, both literally and figuratively. He had the promotion, he was nice to her, why didn’t he get what he wanted? John feels led on, in spite of having had otherwise a lovely night. Now, John doesn’t understand why all his accumulated friendship points didn’t win him sex. His coworker Barbara does not invite him in for sex after the date, a desire he has repeatedly mentioned during the drunken evening. He gets her drunk, showboats sloppily behind the bar, then insists on walking her home.
John asks his coworker on a date, which in his mind he has earned. His male best friend Sam asks if he’s okay, which he isn’t, but John doesn’t want to be seen as a softie, so he doesn’t talk about the physical pain he’s enduring. Our ‘hero’ manages to get a promotion at work by testing a particularly nasty and dangerously powerful vibrator, injuring himself in the process. Immediately you might expect the game to make hay about his occupation, and its lack of heterosexual male appeal, but within this world it feels pretty normalised. John rushes off to work, running late to his bland and boring office job at the dildo testing factory. (Fun side note: in Genital Jousting there are both male and female penises, a step forward for trans presentation in games if ever I saw one.) To top it all off, John wants to turn his life around before the reunion so people will see him differently to how they did in school.
He lives alone, struggles to keep on top of his own hygiene, eats nothing but takeaway meals, has a filthy home, and a study that’s basically a gaming-stroke-porn room. He has nightmares of being harassed by big scary punk kids, and his dreams always end with him being reminded that nobody will ever love him.įrom the first moments, it’s clear that John is living with depression. John (presumably his surname is Thomas) is a middle-aged penis who, three months out from his school reunion, is anxious about how he will be received by his classmates. That perception of the game somewhat shifted when the game released on Steam, thanks to the presence of a remarkably timely and serious story mode about a guy called John who… well, there’s no other way to put it. It never seemed like an especially serious game more a lighthearted laugh where players can giggle at the naughty stuff going on. Players struggle to control disembodied cartoon penises with anuses at the ‘bottom’ of their testicles, which wriggle around trying to penetrate each other. Most people know Genital Jousting as a slightly silly multiplayer party game which has been doing the rounds at gaming conventions and on Steam Early Access over the past few years.
The following article contains spoilers for Genital Jousting’s story mode. The way you flap around the stages is kind of similar to the way a physics-based character controls in other games.This article was originally published January 2018. The controls of the game are rather weird and do take some getting used to. There is another weird game mode where you and a buddy have to work together to do such tasks as bowling and eating spaghetti! This mode is a lot of fun, but I wish there were more things for you to do. There is also a party mode in Genital Jousting where you and up to 7 buddies take part in all kinds of games ranging from races, battles, and so on. Each player controls a penis, a penis that has two balls and an anus! The idea of the main multiplayer game is to penetrate the other penises to score more points! It is multiplayer that is the real meat and potatoes of the game. In the story mode, you do have various objectives that you have to do before you can go to your reunion, but in many ways, this part of the game is like a walking simulator. The gameplay is different depending on the mode you are doing. The whole game has a very basic presentation, but it is very fitting and the way these things flop around is hilarious. Much of the personal anguish that John goes through in regards to his position in life is actually very relatable and even though you are playing as a giant penis, it will make you think about your own life. One of the strangest things about this story is that while it is clearly played for laughs.
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